I'm just........ different, you know (ENGLISH POST)

Hello my dear readers, assalamu'alaikum...

It's been a while since I'm not posting in this blog, I've been thinking about posting something since some people have been pushing me all the time and I can only be stressed about what they say, sooo... here we go!

As you can see that here, I spammed a lot in the last four years and I posted about my rage, my anger to a before-student's-organisation life (in Bahasa: ospek jurusan), yes... I get angry easily, and it was all because of my way-too-much reaction and also my neuro-developmental problem called ADHD (Attention Deficit with or without Hyperactivity Disorder). Exactly almost five years ago, my parents were ready to tell the truth why am I different that other kids at my age, or even older, or younger.

So this ADHD thing is not necessarily an autism (I also have a difficulty to interact with other people), but the scale is in under autism. I'm gonna tell you just a little bit about my life. I was born on May 2, 1995; almost eight years after my parents' marriage, because the still-born baby before me was supposed to be my big brother or sister, born in Paris; but my mom had a miscarriage during her visit to Paris, the city where my father studied master's and doctor's degree in Geophysics. After I knew about this, I was like, why was God so unfair to my family, like... I wanted someone who portrays my big brother or sister in my life, who shares a lot of his/her experiences before I live with his/hers.

Let's go back again with me! So... after two years of life, my mom knew that I never speak, not even a word at that age, so she took me to a psychologist, near the actual McDonald's in Dago, and the psychologist diagnosed me that I got ADHD, but it was only told to my parents, and some other families but the children (as in... my cousins and my little sister).

All my life, I have waaaaaay too much weaknesses, such as:

• Lack of concentration/focusing on many things
• I was hyperactive during my childhood and my school life
• I get distracted easily (inattentive)
• I wasn't excelled in many school subjects except Mathematics and Foreign languages (I learned English and Turkish during my school life)
• I was bully-able by seniors and juniors, until I realized that my little sister saved me (she did anything and one of them was calling me by telephone even though we were in the same school) from them
• I get mad easily when my friends disturbed me or mocked me, even though people keep on telling me that they wanted to get my heart (this is why I can't maintain friendship)
• My trial relationships with a man never turned out well, and I also can't maintain my personal life (as in... what I really need to gain success) and also my relationship at the same time. And when I became victim, the man kept on blaming me for our rupture/break-up
• On my "volonté", when I want something, I have to get it even though I can't have it, and I hate getting alternatives of it (well, I told myself that having mastered French language in college means I have to get a French-related jobs, even though I never get it), and everything I say is extremely absolute (oh, I'm an INFJ/Idealist).

I also remember that I also have a learning problems, and I'm the worst cognitively, affectively, and also my psychomotor is bad. And sometimes, when I don't like something (certain subjects to learn or to talk about), I leave it, no matter what happens next. Or sometimes, I kept on thinking about it until I was sick. I wasn't as excelled as my sister did in school, she always gets the first rank, while I get like... 18th. At that time, I guaranteed that I wouldn't excelled in college, but my sister would.

During my childhood and my teenage years, I did a lot of therapy but I still have the same symptoms and after I knew about this at 18, my self-esteem turns down, even until now. So for the last four or five years, I doubt everything, I never believe in myself nor in people, I trust no one to tell my pain and my problems, and I try to manage everything all by myself (even though I'm bad at problem solving).

Today, I have achieved what I wanted in my life: best scores (but I never expected to become the best graduate), mastered French (even though right now I'm still in B1-B2 level), and being an independent worker. However, I'm still lack of many things... and because of that, people around me become "paparazzi"; they kept on asking me where do I work, how much do I gain, but one thing THEY NEVER ASK IS: whether I was happy. If it doesn't comes first, I wouldn't be happy all my life, even when I work voluntarily in other domain than French (which I hate the most). Now that I'm a hard-line French enthusiast, I just want everything to be delivered only in French language (such as news/actualités, general knowledge, entertainment, friends, etc.). I know it's way too idealist but it's THE ONLY WAY for me to preserve the language I love the most.

I finally read some infographies from Pinterest in French language about it and all of them were true. Here are some...

In work, the ADHD is associated to a smaller salary, an uneven productivity, and frequent job changes

ADHD is biological origin. The brains of the affected people have differences in structure, chemistry and function.

The way of which the ADHD person shows varies in function of a number of factors, such as his/her: personality, temper, vulnerability, entourage, & environment.

5% to 8% of school-aged children would be affected by ADHD

There were 3 more recorded cases of ADHD in boys than girls. In girls', the symptoms of inattention would be more present than those of the hyperactivity: therefore the girls' hyperactivity is unseen, because they "disrupt" less

 Over the decades the names given to ADHD have changed, while in the 80s and 90s, we spoke mostly of hyperactivity, the term ADHD is in the current vocabulary with the new millenium.

Nearly one in two ADHD children has an associated learning disability. ADHD is not a learning disability in itself, but can certainly hinder the learning process.

The proportion of symptoms related to hyperactivity, inattention and impulsivity varies from one individual to another and tends to change over time.

Approximately 70% of people with ADHD show the symptoms of:
- inattention- hyperactivity- impulsivityBetween 20% and 30% of those are mainly affected by the difficulty of organizing their ideas.

87% of children with ADHD have at least one other disorder: mood disorder, anxiety disorder, learning or language disorder, etc. In medical jargon, we call these disorders "Comorbidities".

Nearly 90% of adults with ADHD are not treated for their condition, not least because they are often unaware of it.

20% of people with ADHD do not benefit from psychostimulants (ritalin, concerta, etc.) or experience side effects that cause them to stop taking the medication.

ADHD results difficulties to modulate IDEAS (inattention), GESTURES (hyperactivity) & BEHAVIOR (impulsivity).

People with ADHD are more likely to:
- not finish high school- be unemployed- have problems of consumption- divorce- have a car accident

Everyone may experience ADHD-related symptoms from time to time, but people who are really affected have these symptoms more frequently, more intensely, and feel the impact on their daily functioning.

Screening for ADHD and intervening quickly can improve the person's functioning and reduce the impact of this condition. The earlier we intervene, the better!

60000 children and 270000 adults would be affected by ADHD in Quebec

There are 40% more cases of divorce among people with ADHD.

Nearly 40% of children with a diagnosis of ADHD also have anxiety disorder.

Young drivers with untreated or poorly treated ADHD are involved in 2 to 4 times more accidents and traffic violations than the general population.

ADHD has been observed and studied for over 100 years in one form or another. His definition has evolved from a childhood behavioral disorder to a neurodevelopmental disorder.

Genetics play an important role (between 70% and 80% of the risk) in the possibility of having ADHD. If a parent is affected, it is likely that one or more of their children will be affected too.

More than 15% of adults with ADHD are reported to be addicted to alcohol or drugs. It's 3 times higher than in the general population.

ADHD is often associated with greater creativity and the ability to find innovative solutions. As they have fewer inhibitions, people who have ADHD have a better ability to think differently.

Well... Today I'm still practicing to be well-organized in life and in time management. Pray for me even though ADHD can't be healed forever.

Bisous,

@naragrandis